We all have an inner voice — the one that narrates our day, judges our choices, and whispers (or shouts) what we should be doing better. For many of us, that voice isn’t kind. In fact, it’s often critical, harsh, and full of unrealistic expectations.
“Why can’t you get it right?”
“You’re falling behind.”
“Everyone else has it together except you.”
This is the inner critic — and for a lot of people, it's been the dominant voice for years. It may sound like a parent, a teacher, or society’s expectations. But the truth is: you weren’t born with this voice — it was learned.
And what’s learned… can be unlearned.
The antidote?
Cultivating your inner coach — a calm, compassionate, motivating voice inside you that helps you grow, not shrink.
👿 The Inner Critic: Loud, Ruthless, and Exhausting
Your inner critic often believes it’s helping. It thinks that if it pushes you hard enough, you'll improve. But instead, it tends to:
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Drain your energy
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Undermine your self-worth
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Cause you to second-guess yourself constantly
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Fuel anxiety, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism
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Hold you back from trying new things in fear of failure or “getting it wrong”
It’s the voice that magnifies small mistakes, downplays wins, and convinces you that you’re only as good as your latest achievement.
Common Signs You’re Operating Under an Inner Critic:
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Over-apologising
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Difficulty celebrating success
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Fear of being “found out”
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Avoiding new challenges or opportunities
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Harsh inner dialogue after social interactions or mistakes
You may even think this voice is you. But it’s not.
It’s a collection of inherited beliefs, experiences, and fears — and it doesn’t have to run the show anymore.
🎯 The Inner Coach: Wise, Encouraging, and Grounded
Your inner coach is already within you — it’s just been drowned out by the critic for too long.
The inner coach:
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Helps you learn from your mistakes with curiosity, not shame
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Encourages effort, not just results
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Knows that failure is part of growth
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Balances challenge with compassion
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Helps you regulate your emotions rather than spiral in them
It’s not about delusion or toxic positivity.
It’s about seeing yourself realistically, with kindness — and guiding yourself forward from there.
🔄 Rewriting the Script: Moving From Critic to Coach
You might not be able to stop the critic completely — but you can reduce its volume and increase the voice of your coach. Here’s how:
1. Start Noticing the Critic
Awareness is key. Begin tracking when and where your inner critic shows up. Is it after making a mistake? Around certain people? When you rest instead of "being productive"? Simply naming it as “the critic” helps separate you from the voice.
2. Interrupt and Reframe
When you catch the critic saying,
❌ “You’re so lazy.”
Pause, and reframe with the coach:
✅ “You’re tired. You’ve been carrying a lot. Resting now will help you show up better tomorrow.”
3. Speak to Yourself Like a Friend or Child
Would you speak to your best friend the way your critic speaks to you?
Would you speak to your child that way? Likely not. Let your inner coach adopt the tone of someone who truly cares about your wellbeing.
4. Practice Compassionate Self-Talk Daily
Self-coaching is a practice — not a one-time fix. Start each day with a compassionate phrase like:
“I am allowed to make mistakes and still be worthy.”
“It’s safe to try again.”
“I am growing, even if I can’t see it yet.”
Write these down. Say them aloud. Repeat them until they begin to replace the critic’s default track.
5. Use Reflective JournalLing
Ask:
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What would my inner coach say about today?
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What did I handle better than I thought I would?
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What do I need right now to feel supported?
These gentle check-ins help shift your mental lens from blame to growth.
🌿 Why This Work Matters
Shifting from inner critic to inner coach isn’t just about self-talk. It’s about rebuilding trust in yourself.
When your mind becomes a place of safety rather than self-attack, everything changes:
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Your resilience strengthens
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You take healthier risks
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You recover from setbacks quicker
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You treat yourself as a human, not a project
The world will always be loud. But your internal world? That’s where your real power lives.
💬 Therapy and Coaching: Your Support Team for Inner Change
You don’t have to make this shift alone.
Working with a therapist or coach helps bring your inner coach to life in a practical, sustainable way. You’ll learn to:
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Identify and challenge negative thought patterns
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Build emotional awareness and regulation
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Develop confidence and clarity in your decisions
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Move from self-judgment to self-trust
👥 Ready to take the next step?
You can book in today with:
🌿 Saku Counselling and Psychotherapy
For trauma-informed, compassionate therapy to unpack the root of your inner critic and build emotional resilience from the inside out.
🌀 Glide Coaching
For dynamic, goal-focused coaching to help you find momentum, confidence, and clarity in your mindset, career, or personal growth.
📩 Final Thought
The critic may have been your loudest voice — but it doesn’t have to be your truest.
You deserve a life guided by encouragement, not fear.
A mind that supports your growth, not sabotages it.
And a voice within that says:
“You’re doing better than you think. Keep going.”
We’re here when you’re ready.
Much love, gratitude and blessings. Ciarán.
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