The Truth About Stress: You Have More Choice Than You Think

Published on 16 June 2025 at 09:00

Introduction: Stress Isn’t Always What You Think

We often hear:
"I just have a stressful job."
"It’s the way things are."
"There’s nothing I can do about it."

These phrases feel true—but they’re also subtle lies we’ve been taught to believe. What if the stress you feel isn’t just about your job, your life, or your schedule… but about how you relate to them?

The truth is: we do have a choice in how we experience stress, and much of the pressure we live under is shaped by internalised beliefs—not just external conditions.

🧠 The Physiology of Stress: What’s Actually Going On?

Stress is a biological response that originates in the brain's limbic system. When your brain perceives a threat—physical or emotional—it activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, flooding your body with cortisol and adrenaline.

Short-term, this response can be helpful. But chronic stress (the kind we live with daily) causes long-term damage:

Memory and attention impairment
Weakened immune system
Increased risk of heart disease and anxiety disorders
Emotional exhaustion and burnout

📚 Research spotlight: A 2014 meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin found that chronic stress is strongly linked to reduced cognitive flexibility—making it harder to problem-solve or adapt. In other words, the more stressed we are, the less equipped we are to handle it.

🚩 Lie #1: “I Don’t Have a Choice. My Job/Life Is Just Stressful.”

It feels like you have no choice—but how much of that stress is about your role vs. your response to it?

Let’s be clear: some jobs do carry high responsibility or demand. But stress isn’t a job description—it’s a reaction. And your internal boundaries, beliefs, and systems determine that reaction.

🔍 Ask yourself:

Do I take on more than necessary because of fear, guilt, or people-pleasing?
Do I say “yes” when I mean “no”?
Do I internalise urgency that isn’t mine?

👥 In my work with surgeons, doctors, CEOs, and high-pressure professionals, I've seen first hand that the job doesn't create burnout—unprocessed pressure and poor boundaries do. In fact, many of these clients begin to thrive once they learn to regulate their nervous systems and redefine success.

🚩 Lie #2: “Stress Proves I’m Important”

Culturally, we equate stress with significance. If you’re overworked, under-rested, and always busy, you must be valuable, right?

Wrong. Your worth isn’t defined by your stress load. It’s defined by your humanness, your values, and your impact—which can all exist without chronic pressure.

📚 Stanford professor Dr. Kelly McGonigal, in her TED Talk "How to Make Stress Your Friend", notes that perception of stress matters more than stress itself. When people believe stress is harmful, it becomes harmful. When they see it as a challenge they can meet with support, it becomes empowering.

✔️ The Truth: You Can Choose How You Engage With Stress

This doesn’t mean ignoring real pressures. It means shifting from “I have no control” to “I can control my response.”

Here’s how:

🔄 1. Reframe “Stressful” as “Information”

When you feel stressed, pause. Ask:
👉 What is this trying to tell me?
Stress may be signalling misalignment, lack of boundaries, or overwhelm. Use it as feedback—not judgment.

🧘 2. Build Nervous System Awareness

You can’t think clearly when your nervous system is dysregulated. Learn to notice:

Shallow breathing
Jaw or shoulder tension
Racing thoughts

Then respond with:

Box breathing (4–4–4–4)
Grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1)
Movement: walk, stretch, shake

📅 3. Reclaim Your Calendar

You don’t need more time—you need less clutter.
Try:

Time blocking by energy, not task
Saying “no” to low-priority meetings or requests
Scheduling 5-min breath breaks between tasks

💬 4. Unlearn the Hustle Narrative

Rest is not a reward. It’s a biological need. If you don’t plan it in, your body will force it—through burnout, illness, or collapse.

🔔 Tip: Treat rest like a non-negotiable meeting. Your peace matters.

💡 Bonus: Tips for Work & Home Life

Whether you’re on the clock or off it, these help recalibrate stress:

🔹 At Work:

Clarify expectations with your manager
Use priority matrices (urgent vs important)
Block distraction time (put phone in a drawer, use apps like Forest)

🔹 At Home:

Create screen-free wind-down time
Share chores or decision-making
Establish a “transition ritual” between work and home (walk, music, change of clothes)

Final Thoughts: Redefining Success, Reclaiming Peace

Stress is not proof of your importance. It’s often proof that you’ve gone too long without care.

The truth is, your value has nothing to do with pressure, busyness, or productivity. And if you want peace, you have to stop waiting for the world to give it to you—and start claiming it for yourself.

You always have a choice. Not always in your circumstances—but in how you relate to them.