Invest in People Who Lift You Up: Protect Your Energy from Drains

We often hear that “time is money,” but rarely do we treat it with the same care. Unlike money, time cannot be earned back. Every hour, every conversation, and every relationship we nurture is an investment of our limited energy. The people we spend our time with influence our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Some leave us energized and inspired, while others leave us drained and depleted.

Learning to invest wisely in relationships is one of the most powerful ways to shape your life. It’s not about cutting people off coldly, but about understanding who elevates you, who drains you, and how family patterns and unresolved emotional wounds influence these dynamics.

Understanding Energy Dynamics in Relationships

Every relationship carries an energy exchange. Some relationships are mutually uplifting; both people leave feeling more confident, hopeful, and empowered. Others are draining, leaving one or both parties depleted, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Psychologists sometimes describe these dynamics as “energy vampires” versus “energy elevators.” An energy vampire might be someone who constantly complains, demands attention, or thrives on conflict. An energy elevator is someone who encourages your growth, celebrates your wins, and supports your emotional well-being.

The challenge lies in recognizing these patterns, especially in longstanding relationships. Energy vampires can be subtle: a friend who always monopolizes conversations, a partner who criticizes without empathy, or a family member whose moods dictate your own. Over time, even small drains accumulate, leaving you mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Enmeshed Families: When Love Becomes Drain

One of the most common and overlooked sources of energy drains comes from family systems, particularly enmeshed families. In psychology, enmeshment refers to a family dynamic where boundaries are blurred, and individuality is compromised in favour of maintaining closeness or loyalty.

In enmeshed families:

• Personal boundaries are weak or nonexistent.

• Emotions and decisions of one family member heavily influence others.

• Children are often expected to meet parents’ emotional needs rather than develop their own sense of self.

For example, you may have grown up in a home where saying “no” to a parent felt like betrayal, or where your choices were constantly scrutinised. In adulthood, these patterns often continue. You might:

• Feel guilty when prioritising your own needs.

• Attract friends, partners, or colleagues who mirror enmeshed dynamics.

• Struggle to set boundaries even when you know a relationship is draining.

Understanding enmeshment is not about blaming your family—it’s about awareness. Recognizing these patterns allows you to reclaim your energy and consciously choose relationships that support growth rather than perpetuate old wounds.

Carl Jung and the Mother Wound

Carl Jung introduced the concept of archetypes and explored the psychological impact of family dynamics on personal development. One specific concept relevant to energy management is the mother wound.

The mother wound refers to the emotional and psychological impact of a mother’s unmet needs, projections, or emotional unavailability on her children. This isn’t about blaming mothers; rather, it’s about understanding the unconscious patterns we inherit and how they affect our adult relationships.

A mother wound may manifest as:

• Seeking approval constantly – Needing others to validate your worth.

• Difficulty setting boundaries – Feeling guilty or anxious when asserting needs.

• Attracting draining relationships – Repeating patterns of enmeshment or codependency.

These patterns can make it difficult to recognize who is truly uplifting versus who is draining. Healing the mother wound involves:

• Acknowledging your own needs as valid.

• Differentiating your emotions from those projected onto you by your mother or caregiver.

• Learning to choose relationships consciously rather than unconsciously repeating family dynamics.

Practical Steps to Identify Energy Elevators

The first step in investing your energy wisely is awareness. Here’s a framework for identifying who lifts you up:

1. Reflect on emotional aftereffects – After spending time with someone, ask: Do I feel energised or drained?

2. Observe patterns over time – Some relationships may feel good temporarily but drain you in the long run.

3. Notice support in growth – Elevators celebrate your successes, challenge you gently, and encourage self-improvement.

4. Evaluate reciprocity – Healthy relationships involve give-and-take rather than one-sided demands.

Exercise: The Energy Audit

Take a week to track your interactions:

• List every significant interaction.

• Rate your energy afterward on a scale of 1–10.

• Categorize each person as an elevator or vampire.

Over time, this audit will reveal who deserves more of your attention and who may need boundaries or distance.

Limiting Energy Vampires

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness. Limiting energy vampires involves:

• Saying no without guilt – Recognize that protecting your energy benefits everyone.

• Limiting time – Reduce the frequency or duration of draining interactions.

• Detaching emotionally – You can remain polite while avoiding over-involvement.

• Reframing expectations – Accept that some relationships may never meet your emotional needs.

It’s especially important in family contexts, where guilt and loyalty can make boundaries feel uncomfortable. Remember: boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about preserving your ability to thrive.

Healing the Mother Wound

Healing from the mother wound requires awareness, reflection, and self-compassion. Here are some steps:

1. Recognise patterns – Identify how childhood experiences influence adult relationships.

2. Separate identity from projections – Understand what beliefs and behaviours are yours versus inherited from your mother.

3. Seek supportive relationships – Surround yourself with mentors, friends, or partners who validate your growth.

4. Practice self-care rituals – Meditation, journaling, or therapy can help process unresolved feelings.

5. Forgive, without excusing – Forgiveness is about freeing yourself, not condoning past behaviour.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but even small shifts allow you to invest your energy more wisely and break cycles of depletion.

Cultivating Uplifting Relationships

Once you’ve identified elevators and set boundaries with vampires, it’s time to cultivate growth-oriented relationships.

• Mentorship – Seek guidance from people who challenge and inspire you.

• Community – Join groups that share your values and ambitions.

• Collaboration – Work on projects that foster mutual growth rather than competition.

• Celebration – Make space to honour achievements, both big and small.

These relationships function like a garden: they require care, attention, and consistent nurturing. The more energy you invest in them, the more they flourish, creating a supportive ecosystem around you.

The Ripple Effect

Investing in uplifting relationships has a ripple effect. Your energy and positivity influence those around you, who in turn elevate others. Conversely, limiting draining relationships reduces tension and frees emotional bandwidth for creativity, productivity, and joy.

Consider the metaphor of a river: when surrounded by stones and debris (vampires), the flow slows and stagnates. Remove obstacles and nurture the current (elevators), and the river flows freely, nourishing everything in its path.

Conclusion: Curate Your Life

Every moment of attention, every ounce of energy, is precious. By:

• Recognising enmeshed family dynamics

• Healing unresolved wounds like the mother wound

• Identifying energy elevators versus vampires

• Setting boundaries consciously

• Nurturing uplifting relationships

…you take control of your life’s most valuable resource: your energy.

Invest wisely, and you’ll find that life becomes less about survival and more about growth, joy, and mutual empowerment. Your energy may be finite, but its impact is limitless.

Much love, gratitude and blessings. Ciarán.